All of us have had our share of relationships in life, but few are unlucky to have been in an unloving, unhealthy, or toxic relationship. Being in a toxic relationship is not easy, fights every day, not feeling any kind of happiness, not feeling safe and secure, crying to sleep, are just some of the things that you have to face in an unhealthy relationship. Many people blame the victim for falling for a bad person or ignoring the early signs, but let me tell you one thing, no relationship starts as a toxic one and it’s not easy to give up on someone you love. There is a lot of hurt in a toxic relationship, but some of the things which hurt a person the most are:
Dating a manipulator is as bad as dating someone who is abusive because a manipulator plays with your feelings to get things done for you. They will use the things you told them, your weakest points, your low self-esteem, you’re most vulnerable points to keep you under their control. They won’t help you grow as a person; instead will try to bring you down every chance they get. This has to one of the most hurtful things; your partner can do that you. In fact you won’t even realize what’s happening unless it’s too late.
The blame game
Have you ever felt that you started sharing your feelings, and somehow your partner turned the whole thing on you? It feels like a dagger being struck through the heart. Every time you try to tell your partner how you are feeling, they blame you for feeling that way. It so happens that you tell them that something that they did hurt you, and they will blame you for feeling hurt, or that you started it, that’s why they did what they hurt you. This blame game can continue for really long and sometimes, you might feel so weak that you don’t even confront your partner.
Kind of Clingy
Sometimes you feel that you don’t have any personal space left in your relationship. If your partner has some emotional baggage, you should support them for sure, but that doesn’t mean that you will stop caring for your needs. Sometimes, you feel exhausted helping them out with their emotional baggage. Bad things happen in life, it’s something which you can’t avoid, and however, that does not mean that you have to take care of everyone’s emotional well-being.
There isn’t much equality in your relationship, the same thing means different for the two of you. If they want to postpone date night for going out with their friends, but you can’t do the same thing and if you do, they will create a huge scene. When things of this sort happen, you feel as if you are not being treated as an equal, which is the worst thing that your partner can do to you. To make things worse, every time you try to talk to them about it, they will start with the same old blame game.
No one likes to change their personality, well some aspects are okay, but not entirely. An unloving partner will try to change each and every aspect of your personality as per their wishes. They would like you to behave in a certain way. In fact, they are so good at manipulation, you won’t even realize that you have stopped doing the things that you love, and you do things which your partner loves. Slowly you will realize, that you are surrounded by things which you don’t even like and is a gut-wrenching feeling.
It is completely fine to have a past, in fact, everyone does have some past relationships which didn’t end very well, but if you notice that all their past relationships have ended because of them or their exes hate them and give you warning signs, maybe you shouldn’t ignore things and finally take the step and move on.
Your goals don’t matter
Read it again and you know you are in an unhealthy relationship if your partner doesn’t care about your goals in life. All that matters are their goals and ambitions, no matter how much you support and cheer them on, you won’t get the same in return and trust me there is no feeling worse than this feeling when you feel that your partner has no faith in you or your potential. Everyone wishes to have a partner who supports them and makes your goals a top priority as and when required.
Too much anger!
You feel numb, everyone time they lash out on you when they are frustrated over something else. No matter how hard you try, you can never do enough for them, no matter how hard you try to understand, there will be times when they will forget everything that you have done for them and treat you in the worst way. Few such instances are okay, after all, they are also human, but when it becomes a routine, which is the warning for you. It’s good that you want to understand and support your partner, but doesn’t mean you will overlook your needs and mental health. You don’t have to stay in a toxic relationship.
An unhealthy and unloving relationship can take a toll on mental health, in fact, there have been cases where such relationships have caused long term damage. It breaks you as a person, making it difficult for you to trust anyone again. There is no reason good enough to stay in a toxic relationship, the moment you start seeing signs, dump your partner, and move on. The sooner you make the transition, the better it will be for you and your mental health. You need to remember one thing, love is not the only thing that you need, trust, respect, understanding, loyalty are equally important and a relationship cannot survive without these.